Automated Phone Systems

Okay, so the other day, I found the one thing worse than a normal automated phone system. As if having to punch 2, 4, 1, 1, 1, 1, 6, 9, 4, 3, 6, 4, 9, 0 just to speak with a human being isn't bad enough, they have come up with something worse.

My wife and I are in the process of scheduling a trip to the west coast. We are planning on flying into San Francisco and working our way up to Oregon. Since we would be flying, I pulled out the trusty ol' list of phone numbers for the different airline companies and began to make the rounds. During this time, I obviously encountered numerous automated phone systems, . . .but then there was the One. This one took the cake.

As I dialed the number to this carrier who shall remain nameless (solely because I called so many stupid airlines I can't remember which one it was. You got lucky this time, Mr. AirLine), it seemed to be just another routine call. Then SHE picked up. "Who?" you asked. Ms. APS (Automated Phone System). She spoke to me like we knew each other--like we were long lost college friends or something. She uttered phrases like, "Sure, I'll be glad to help you with that." and "Oh, I'm sorry I must have misunderstood you."

At one point during the call, I tried to check flights into Oakland, and when asked my destination city, I said "Oakland,"

Ms. Aps responded, "I heard you say 'St. Louis,' is that correct?"

"Nope!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Could you please repeat your destination city?"

"Oakland"

"I heard you say 'Phoenix,' is that correct?" questioned Ms. Aps.

"Still NO!!!!" I said, and then she came to the revelation of all revelations.

"Well, it seems I am unable to help you," she said, "let me transfer you to a representative that can assist you further." Hmmm . . . imagine that.

Now let me clarify, it wasn't necessarily the fact I was talking to a machine, but moreso the fact that this system insisted on insulting my intelligence. Not only are you not important enough to speak with a human being, but let me see if I can trick you into believing that they actually ARE talking to a human being. Why don't they just paint a face on a brick wall for us to talk to. That would be okay . . . right?

Case in point, if you want me to talk to a machine, just let it sound like a machine. That's all I ask.