It's All About the Upgrade.

So lately I've been looking into upgrading my computer at home, and even considering purchasing a used laptop computer (just for mobility's sake). I'm sure everyone has thought at one point or another, it doesn't matter what you have, it's never enough. We live in a world of constant upgrades. Everywhere you look, there is someone there attempting to sell, promote, or endorse the latest upgrade. Even when you buy something new, there's someone waiting at the door to talk you into the next version. I thought to myself, it would be a lot cheaper if I just invented a magic "Upgrade" wand. Here are a few of the things I would upgrade in my life (in no particular order).

My Computer - Step 1.) Gripe. Obviously, it's doesn't have enough GB, RAM, or MHz. It's too loud, too big, too slow, and too cream. The monitor's not flat enough. Step 2.) Upgrade computer. 3.) Repeat Step 1. Then Step 2. Repeat.

My TV - Apparently the kind of TV that I have been perfectly happy with watching for 28 years, just won't cut it. What was I thinking? I can't believe this world fooled me into enjoying a picture that was slightly curved. Give me the flat screen!!! Give it to me now!!! And while you're at it, hang it on the wall, too!!!

My Work Cubicle - Two Words: Deluxe Model. No more teal or puce for me. I want black walls and a wooden desktop made of genuine cherry. My chair: a La-Z-Boy. But sitting at work in a La-Z-Boy can be hard on the back, so just to be on the ergonomic safe side, I'll need to add a large flat screen monitor and a cordless keyboard and mouse. My cubicle will have its own "ultra-quiet" sound system (so as not to disturb my neighbors) and its own thermostat. Maybe now I will be able to feel my fingers and my toes at work.

The Interstates - This one's my favorite. I would upgrade the interstate system to accommodate the new "Adam-Only Lane" Ahhhhh!!! Freedom!!!!

Now the next two are for my wife. You know I would have to upgrade some stuff for her if I had a magic "Upgrade" wand.

Buy A Cat - Now this, at first, may not seem like an upgrade. Well, it's not. The upgrade comes when I upgrade the cat to a Tiger. Then I would buy an ant farm and upgrade it to be the sanctuary and the staff to take care of the tiger. It's been a life long dream of my wife's to be able to pet a tiger. Now she can. YEAH!!!

The Litter Box - When we got our first cat, my wife made the commitment to clean the litter box. So for her, we would upgrade to the LitterBox DX 2006. All....ahem!!...."stuff" disappears without a trace. No odor. No cleaning. No refilling. It also bathes, dries, and grooms the cat automatically every other week. Your welcome, Danielle. : )

Well, I hope you've enjoyed getting inside the mind of Adam. I know, it's a little scary. I would love to hear what you would upgrade to, if you had a magic "Upgrade" wand.

A Walk With Words

NEW. Complete. Breathing. Beautiful. Pleasing. Alive. Fruitful. FREE. Naive. Unaware. Fallible. Foolish. Oblivious. Gullible. Tempted. Charmed. Seduced. Coaxed. Tested. Conceded. DEFILED. Apprehensive. Watchful. Cowardly. Timid. Mortified. Worried. Ashamed. Regretful. Judged. Guilty. Bound. ENSLAVED. Expelled. Cast out. Removed. Banished. Displaced. EXILED.

Then Jesus came.

Miraculous. Simple. Youthful. Growing. YIELDING. Eager. Teaching. Maturing. Purposeful. LOVING. Leading. Brazen. Veracious. Ridiculed. Scoffed. Mocked. Denied. Excluded. BETRAYED. Rejected. Beaten. Determined. Faithful. Selfless. SACRIFICED. Brittle. Frail. Lifeless. Omnipotent. Persistent. Powerful. Prevailing. Victorious. Restored. RESURRECTED. Forgiving. Embraced. Accepted. Fulfilled. Healing. Whole. Pleasing. Beautiful. Complete. NEW.

NOCURTAIN

(nAHk'-ER-tane)

"It's Undefinable"






MORE DETAILS TO COME.

The Garden

The other day, I was reading in Genesis about the creation and fall of mankind. I can't even begin to wonder the number of times I've read these verses, heard them in church, or sang about them in a song, but this time was different. One verse . . . ONE VERSE . . . knocked me back in my seat and made me sit there and think.

"The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." Genesis 3:21

Now, this verse by itself, isn't that shocking, and normally it wouldn't catch someone's eye. But this verse, when read in its proper context, is the essence of God's nature and His unwavering persistence. If we back up just seven verses, we find the true magnitude of this verse. Verses 3:14-19 immediately follow Adam & Eve eating the fruit of the forbidden tree. God then finds them in the Garden of Eden, and thus it begins--the first official reaming in history.

To the serpent: "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."

To the woman: "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

And to Adam: "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."

And then . . . after being ignored by His own children . . . after watching His creation break the only rule in eternity . . . after finding Adam & Eve among the trees of the garden naked and ashamed . . . and finally, after disciplining them as only a Father can do . . . God pauses . . . and did what any good Father would do. He met their need. "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." He personally made the garment Himself and clothed His children.

Does this hit you like it does me? Only a loving, faithful, and persistent God--desperately wanting a relationship with His children--could do this after being so carelessly rejected by those same children. How many rules have I broken? How about you? Have you ever found yourself naked and ashamed, alone and afraid after doing what you KNOW was wrong? I don't think I even want to start counting? Too many, that's for sure.

And then, to stay in character and prove His love for us, He did it again two thousand years ago. Only this time it wasn't a couple--it was the world. It wasn't a rule that was broken--it was a life. And it wasn't a garment--but His pure, forgiving righteousness that was draped over His entire creation. And this time we get to remain in the Garden . . . for eternity.

Automated Phone Systems

Okay, so the other day, I found the one thing worse than a normal automated phone system. As if having to punch 2, 4, 1, 1, 1, 1, 6, 9, 4, 3, 6, 4, 9, 0 just to speak with a human being isn't bad enough, they have come up with something worse.

My wife and I are in the process of scheduling a trip to the west coast. We are planning on flying into San Francisco and working our way up to Oregon. Since we would be flying, I pulled out the trusty ol' list of phone numbers for the different airline companies and began to make the rounds. During this time, I obviously encountered numerous automated phone systems, . . .but then there was the One. This one took the cake.

As I dialed the number to this carrier who shall remain nameless (solely because I called so many stupid airlines I can't remember which one it was. You got lucky this time, Mr. AirLine), it seemed to be just another routine call. Then SHE picked up. "Who?" you asked. Ms. APS (Automated Phone System). She spoke to me like we knew each other--like we were long lost college friends or something. She uttered phrases like, "Sure, I'll be glad to help you with that." and "Oh, I'm sorry I must have misunderstood you."

At one point during the call, I tried to check flights into Oakland, and when asked my destination city, I said "Oakland,"

Ms. Aps responded, "I heard you say 'St. Louis,' is that correct?"

"Nope!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Could you please repeat your destination city?"

"Oakland"

"I heard you say 'Phoenix,' is that correct?" questioned Ms. Aps.

"Still NO!!!!" I said, and then she came to the revelation of all revelations.

"Well, it seems I am unable to help you," she said, "let me transfer you to a representative that can assist you further." Hmmm . . . imagine that.

Now let me clarify, it wasn't necessarily the fact I was talking to a machine, but moreso the fact that this system insisted on insulting my intelligence. Not only are you not important enough to speak with a human being, but let me see if I can trick you into believing that they actually ARE talking to a human being. Why don't they just paint a face on a brick wall for us to talk to. That would be okay . . . right?

Case in point, if you want me to talk to a machine, just let it sound like a machine. That's all I ask.

Need A Pet?

My wife and I like to visit the local Humane Society from time to time. She is a full-blooded 100% cat person and loves to go there and show each of the animals (especially the cats) a little love and attention. I tend to become a cat person the longer I'm around them. I know . . . being a dog-person is probably the "manly" way to go, but hey, sue me.

Anyway, this past weekend we stopped by and as we walked in, we were shocked. They were almost at capacity. There were two or three spaces that didn't have cats in them and out of the 35 or 36 cats there, about 30 of them were kittens. Likewise, the dogs had just a few open cages. It absolutely broke our hearts. (Well, it always does, but this time more than usual.)

If you live in the Nashville area and are looking into getting a pet, please visit the Humane Society. They are a great organization and have a large variety of animals that desparately need a place to call home.

Nashville Humane Society

Email Imitating Life?

Recently I made the conversion over to the great and mighty GOOGLE EMAIL--cleverly called G-Mail. The frustration with receiving hundreds of SPAM a day on my Hotmail account was just too overwhelming for my DELETE button . . . (plus Hotmail only gave me 125 megabytes of space). Anyway, I made the jump. I sent out the all too common "I'm changing my email" mass email, saved my address book, forwarded a few key emails, and started setting up my folders. This is where it got weird.

After making the switch to a new email service, the folder making process is one of the most important steps for me. Due to limited amounts of space, only the "chosen" are given the privilege of residing in my cozy world of folders. The others . . . well . . . DELETED. Then comes the grueling process of finding which emails are worthy of this invitation. Will I need this later? Put in the "Might Need to Remember" folder. Is this forward funny enough? Put this one in my "Made Me Chuckle" folder. What if I need to remember it AND it's funny? Which one then? Do I need to save this one because the sender is a close friend? Or do I save that one because I haven't talked to this person for a long time? What if it's a close friend that I haven't seen in a long time? Ahhhh . . . the list. Well, G-mail hugged me with its 2.4 gigabytes of free space (that's almost 2000% more than Hotmail), it comforted me with it's nice email search feature, and then . . . it sent me into the absolute chaos with . . . (are you ready? you might want to sit down for this.) . . . NO FOLDERS!!!! Quickly, g-mail grabbed my shoulders and said, "Hey, it's alright. We have "labels" instead." Whew!!! That was a close one.

Instead of categorizing an email in just one folder, they give you the option of placing numerous labels on any given email. So if it needs to have a "Something From My Buddies" label AND a "Something I Shouldn't Buy, But Probably Will" label, then I can put both on them. WHAT A CONCEPT!!!! It seems only logical to have labels. Finally, email imitating life.

We, as humans, have a multitude of labels placed on us each day . . . husband, co-worker, sister, boss, tenent, mother. Some are more objective . . . joyful, iffy, the funny guy, reliable, hoo-hum, depressed, lazy. Whatever labels we are tagged with, these are the ways we handle different situations. We cannot be placed into just one folder. We are not one dimensional beings. These labels give us our personality. They make us react the way we do to any given situation.

As Christians, Jesus Christ, himself, has given us labels of his own such as care-givers, disciples, teachers, humbled, listeners, joyous, dedicated, empowered, sharers, patient, and the list goes on and on and on. One of the greatest labels Jesus gave to us is found in John 13:35 "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." "Disciples that love." What a label!!

What are you doing today to make sure these labels are the labels the world sees? If you walked into a room which label would people see?

"Quotations"

I don't know about you, but it seems to me that everytime I turn around, someone is saying something. We are bombarded, in this world of jabber, with a poor mirage of intellectual communication.

Today, I thought we could dedicate this blog to the best of the best in verbal quips. I keep a list of quotable notes . . . or notable quotes . . . or whatever you want to call them in my palm pilot, and these are ten of my favorites. Some are pensive. Some are sarcastic. But ALL, of course, are quotable. Let me know what you think of these or share one or two of your own favorites. Just click the comments link below. Happy Friday!

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. –Mark Twain

Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. –John Watson

Some of life's biggest disappointments come from getting what we insisted on having! -Anonymous

Don't be afraid to try something new. An amateur built the ark. Professionals built the titanic. -Anonymous

Sympathy sees & says "I'm sorry." Compassion feels & whispers "I'll help." -Anonymous

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. -Ben Franklin

You wouldn't worry about what people thought of you, if you truly realized how little they actually thought of you. -Anonymous

Our opinion of people depends less upon what we see in them, than upon what they make us see in ourselves. -Sarah Grand

I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun, not just because I see it but because by it I can see everything else. -C.S. Lewis

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. -Terry Pratchett

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do. -Helen Keller

Valiant Effort...

Hey guys & gals!! Valiant effort during the "SHLOG" contest yesterday. We rallied the troops, called in the cavalry, and sounded the horns of battle. Before I knew it, my friends' friends' friends were clicking on the link and aiding adamhaynes.com in it's time of need. Unfortunately, we were overcome by a mightier competitor. But that's okay. I'll just have to make due with the t-shirts currently in my wardrobe of the spectacularly average.

However . . . during the pandemonium of yesterday's event, adamhaynes.com had it's highest hit day in history. WooHoo!!! I truly appreciate the time of everyone who stopped by to click through my site to get to Shaun's site, and a special thanks to you that passed on the challenge to co-workers, friends, and family. Please feel free to stop by anytime and browse around or utilize the various links.

GREAT JOB & THANKS AGAIN!!!

Too Much Time...

Okay . . . for those of you who do not know, my wife and I have two cats, Mallie (a long hair calico) and Ava (a short hair tabby). A couple of times a year, usually around holidays, my wife likes to find items for our cats to wear. For example, she gets a kick out of putting a Santa's hat on the cats for Christmas; and when Halloween rolls around, she has a witch's hat she likes to put on them. Now these ocassions are excusable. They are, of course, brought about in the midst of holiday excitement. Honestly, who doesn't get caught up in a holiday every once in awhile? But this--this was different.

This is what happens when my wife has a camera, a shirt, and too much time on her hands. Sorry, Mallie and Ava, I could have stopped her. I'll try harder next time.

Ava


Mallie

Promises. Promises.

Lately, thoughts of direction, promises and oaths have been on my mind. I have been pondering what it takes to truly be a hearer of the Lord and then follow without question.

About a month ago, I began to study the book of Joshua, which if filled with episode after episode of God literally handing the kingdoms and countries of Canaan over to the Israelite nation under the new leadership of Joshua. They were given the land of Canaan for one reason: they were promised it. So the LORD gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their forefathers, and they took possession of it and settled there. The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the LORD handed all their enemies over to them. Not one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled. Joshua 21:43-45

Throughout the book of Joshua, the Israelites were faced with battle after battle opposing overwhelming armies; and yet they still fought. Why?? Because they trusted in the promise given to them by their God. Joshua--thought to be one of history's greatest military leaders--lead the Israelites with a two-fold methodology. 1.) He listened to the Lord, and 2.) he acted upon what the Lord commanded. It's as simple as that. He encouraged God's people with sure victory solely because of God's promise. He faithfully trusted God to deliver them, just as God had done so many times in the past.

The Israelites' reality was of a foreign land that was given to them. They were constantly claiming the unfamiliar land God was providing to them. I don't know about you, but this is the feeling that wreaks havoc on the pit of my stomach. Every day I feel as if I am called into uncharted territory. I am living in a world that has been given to me--my home, my family, my freedom, my job. What are we to do with these precious gifts? How are we to exist in a "world of reception?" What right do I have to take this inheritance and make it my own? Because it is just that. It's an inheritance and it has been given to us...freely.

God is waiting for His children to step up empowered and take this "land"--this life--He has already granted to us. So Joshua said to the Israelites: "How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the LORD, the God of your fathers, has given you?" Joshua 18:3 How long will it take us to do the same?

As joint heirs to the Kingdom of God, we will attain our heavenly treasure at some point in the future; however, we are NOW being given daily a share of our inheritance here on earth. Jesus called out repeatedly, "He who has ears, let them hear!" Our inheritance consists of having our eternal God reveal Himself to us--this is what Joshua understood. He knew this promise and listened up, and as a result, God was revealed to Him and the "land was given over to them." And then, even more land was given to them. "Whoever can be trusted with little can also be trusted with much" Luke 16:10a.

As the tribes of Israel, returned from war to their new homes, Joshua encourages them with one last instruction. But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and all your soul." Joshua 22:5

As we take hold of the promises God has set before us, we would be wise to do the same.

A Little "Clean" Experiment

Over the last year or so in the corporate world, I have noticed something. Something disturbing. Something that speaks loudly about the character of man . . . . well . . . men. Ladies, you'll have to get your own experiment.

I noticed, given a specific situation, a particular behavior occurs time and time again. I began to notice it about four or five months ago and started collect my scientific data shortly thereafter. Most days, at some point, I excuse myself from my luxurious and wonderful cubicle to . . . well, take care of some digestive business . . . and I make my way to the nearby lavatory. Once there, my experiment begins.

While in the restroom, I have noticed the number of gentlemen who take the time to wash their hands before returning to work. This is where it gets scary. When the test subjects are aware of a second person present, the percent of those who wash their hands is 99.2% (136 out of 137). HOWEVER . . . when they are think they are alone, the percentage DROPS to a staggering 12.9% (8 out of 62).

Come on guys! STEP UP! Have some integrity!!! WASH THOSE HANDS!! (and you know who you are!)

Three Times A Wedding...

Well, it was my third wedding attended this summer, and now it is my third wedding blogged. And still, it was amazing.

This wedding was unlike the two previously attended. This one was not attended by hundreds of guests nor was it followed by a huge reception with a live band or the release of doves. In fact, this wedding had very little of the "glitter" that most people assume you have to have at a wedding.

There were roughly 50 or 60 people who came to this small ceremony held in a beautiful courtyard, and it was followed by a small reception with cake and hors d'oeuvres (or as I say "or-derves") where the Bride and Groom were able to fellowship with their closest friends. However, one thing remained the same--the wonderment.

It never ceases to amaze me--the look in each other's eyes, as they stand there with their entire future ahead of them. Large or small wedding, young or old, first marriage, second marriage, third marriage, it doesn't matter one bit. It never changes. It's a stare that proclaims that the earth around them could literally crumble into pieces, and yet they have assurance the ground on which they stand would remain. It is a look of Joy--I have finally found you. Desparation--I never want to lose you. Passion--I want only you. Gratitude--I need only you. It's the look of wonderment that is always present at a wedding. And it was definitely there this weekend.

HOWEVER...things change. In almost every marriage the look disappears either in a matter of months or it could take years. But why?!?! Is it pressures of work? Day-to-day reality? Does the novelty wears off? Who knows. The fact remains--the wonderment disappears

It's inevitable. YES. But luckily it's not permanent. This disease of our heart and mind is reversible. THERE IS A CURE!!! It's a little medicine called SELF-LESS-NESS. Romans 2:8 shares, "But for those who are self seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there weill be wrath and anger." (And if your a husband out there that has been selfseeking at some point in your marriage--and we ALL have--you can attest to what is referred to as "wrath and anger.") But it doesn't matter if you the husband or the wife. If you make a choice today--each day--to be truly selfless, the look in your spouse's eye will return and vice versa. But remember, as with everything in this world, it's a choice. We chose to be selfish, and likewise, we can choose to be selfless. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

Congratulations Donnie & Barbara. You have a lot of people praying for you.

And to my wife, Danielle . . . . I love you and I pray my love will always be selfless.